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Am Not The Same

Bismillahi wal hamdulillah

I was once very looking forward and enthusiast to start working after spending a month without interesting activity. I felt bored, really bored. Plus, I felt ashame with my parents. Being in mid-20's, I was still depending on their money. Even going to have a hair cut which only cost about RM8, I had to ask from my mother. There were lots of time I compared myself to my friends who had started working. They are living in their own house, have their own car, managing their own money...bla..bla..bla. Some even had married and got children some more.

A lot went through my mind that time. So I was was very looking forward to start working. That day came after 2 months leisuring at home. I was very happy.

During my orientation week in hospital, we were given chance to pick our own fate in determining which department we have to go through first. We had to pick a piece of paper from a box. On that piece of paper is the department that we have to start with. I picked and I got paeds as my 1st posting. I was not that happy actually because I am not that good with children. But I accept it as my 1st posting. Somehow a friend asked to swap. She got medical, and she wanted to follow her friend who also got paeds.

I gave a thought on it about 10 seconds. I know almost 3/4 of medicine is about internal medicine. It is like the core of medicine. And I though it would be great if I have a better knowledge about internal medicine first before going to other disciplines. So I agreed to swap.
So now I'm in intenal medicine.

I was very hardworking during the 1st month. I know, because I struggle a lot and always had to stay back at ward. I tried my best to catch up with the system and also the management. Each day was really interesting. I learned new things every day. But still, I did not managed to achieve the standard that bosses want. Almost everyday I was scolded and sometimes they even cursed.

I noticed that I had lost my enthusiasm to work day by day. I started to feel lazy to go to work. I can expect to be scolded each day. They say that it is normal to be scolded. And it is.

Ok, I just realized I've been thinking quite a long time to come up with words to describe the scenario. I'm out of words. My mind is like trying to block the memory so that I wont feel down. It failed. I still feel down.

I am just looking forward to finish my medical posting. The environment is just very hard to live in. I hope I would not be extended, and finish my posting on time. Every morning I wake up for work, there is only one word come through my mind. "Shit!" =)

2 komentar:

sangat mendebarkan kehidupan selepas kampus life ni....

semoga berjaya....